More recently, I've been quite certain that I'm ready to "do" something again.
It has occupied and consumed a lot of my time and thoughts and energy.
What Jesus strongly impressed on my heart recently is this: Right now it's not so much about what He wants me to do, but rather who He wants me to become.
I'll blame it on the culture I live in, the ideas I surround myself with, or the books I read. Everywhere I go, I am called upon to "Do something."
Doing and action are absolutely vital to my life.
But I quickly put the cart before the horse, so to speak.
Somehow, doing is more important than becoming.
I have been convicted of the Truth of Scripture in this area, because while commands are given to go and do, the same emphasis, if not more, is placed on this: He wants us to become more like Him. Without that foundation, I am so very ineffective.
"Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me." [John 15]
"If I speak in the tongues of men and angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging symbol..." [1 Corinthians 13]
He wants me to become all that Love is.
"Alicia is patient, Alicia is kind..."
Ouch. There is so much more I need to learn.
Right now, He has placed me here in Lancaster.
If I can't learn the lessons He has placed in front of me right here, what guarantee is there that I will learn said lessons somewhere else?
If I'm honest, sometimes I would much rather be anywhere else in the world instead of Lancaster. It is as if I think my spiritual life will suddenly move in great leaps and bounds, life will magically make more sense, I will be less selfish, and the temptation to buy cute clothes or overpriced lattes will be obsolete.
While that could be the case, it doesn't change the fact that lasting growth and change usually involve a thousand little baby steps. Maybe it started with a grandiose vision or calling. Maybe it started with an old-fashioned altar call or words spoken by a friend or inspirational speaker.
No matter how we start, I'm realizing it's how I continue that counts. No matter where I live, growth doesn't just "happen." Doing is not always the answer to growth. It can occasionally mean the exact opposite, because maybe I know how to do, but am I wanting to become more like Him?
It's a painful process, and Jesus is incredibly patient in my weakness and failures.
He doesn't give up on us, on me. It makes no earthly sense at all.
As messy as I think I am, if I focus on my messiness, that's all I am going to see.
If I focus on who He wants me to become, and Who He is, I can actually thrive no matter where I live, no matter what I do.
Maybe the biggest lesson I am learning right now is that it's not so much about what and where, it's more about embracing the right now. This isn't so I can immerse myself in the right now, but in preparation for a deeper tomorrow.
If there was a tidy way to end these thoughts, I would most likely try it.
The best part of learning to become is that it never ends.
As such, this post will never end (just kidding).
"My goal is God himself. Not joy or peace or even blessing, but Himself, my God." [Leonard Ravenhill]
"This is the very place meant by God to turn our eyes on Him." [Elisabeth Elliot]
