Take some time...

I feel like these past few months have been growing for me.

After dreaming, planning, and dreaming some more about "life after graduation," I have found myself suddenly staring that life in the face without knowing exactly what I'm going to be doing.

There are times I find myself frantically praying that God will just show me what I'm supposed to do, or give me a clear "calling" to a mission field where I would be useful.

But instead of either of those, I'm finding something quite the opposite. First, I find that I have been rushing through life for too long, and sometimes the best moments need to be savored, not hurried.

Second, that in all honesty, God doesn't NEED me. Sometimes I find that I want to do all these things, just to prove that I am needed and useful. But His gentle whisper is saying, "I don't need you. I CHOSE you. I WANT you. I CREATED you."

Therefore, once I quit proving and start resting, maybe I can begin to savor my relationship with Jesus rather than try to impress Him.

I've been reading "The PAPA Prayer" by Larry Crabb, and feeling like a baby Christian all over again. Letting myself be real and still before my Father is hard sometimes.  Taking the time to pour out my soul as I would to a very close friend. Can I say I'm learning? Yes. But I have a long way to go.

With all that said, as I look towards the future, it suddenly doesn't feel so big and mountainous. It's still unknown, and sometimes that scares me. But mostly, it excites me to know that I can trust my PAPA to work out the details. And for now, learn to BE. Right where I am.

"Let me walk by faith in the depth of the desert,

Learn to embrace, a life so much greater,

'Cause the dreams that I have, mean so much more,

If I take them to you, And give them up into Your arms..."

"He is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him." (John Piper)